The Power of Keeping Your Promises: Strengthen Your Energy, Boundaries, and Self-Confidence

Transcend the cycle of breaking agreements to yourself, experience personal growth!

Agreements are woven into the fabric of our lives, shaping how we interact with others, and define our sense of self. Whether it is a formal contract or a personal promise, honoring your agreements is vital — not just for building trust, but also for maintaining healthy boundaries, protecting your energy, and reinforcing your integrity.

Why Agreements Matter

At their core, agreements represent a commitment, not just to others but also to yourself. When you honor them, you are actively aligning your actions with your values. Breaking agreements, even unintentionally, can create inner conflict, drain your energy, and blur the boundaries that protect your well-being.

Challenges in Upholding Agreements with Yourself

We make agreements all the time — with ourselves, our family, friends, colleagues, and clients. Yet, upholding agreements with others is often easier than with ourselves.

Example: you might cancel a solo gym session because no one is there to hold you accountable, but you would rarely cancel a work meeting or a coffee date with a friend because of the immediate impact on others.

This discrepancy is due to psychological, emotional, and social factors:

1. External Accountability vs. Internal Accountability

With Others: When you make an agreement with someone else, there is an external force holding you accountable. You are aware of how your actions affect them and want to avoid conflict, judgement or damaging your reputation.

With Yourself: Internal accountability relies entirely on self-discipline and intrinsic motivation. Without external reminders or consequences, it is easier to let things slide or rationalize breaking the agreement.

2. The Social Contract and Desire to Be Liked

Humans are social beings who value connection and approval. Upholding agreements with others often align with maintaining positive relationships and social standing. Breaking promises to others risks judgment or conflict, which you instinctively try to avoid.

3. Perception of Importance

Agreements with others often feel more pressing because they involve someone else’s time, emotions, or expectations, whereas personal commitments may seem easier to postpone because it affects only you. This can create a cycle of neglecting your own promises because you have overextended yourself trying to meet external obligations.

4. The Invisible Nature of Personal Consequences

When breaking an agreement with others, consequences such as disappointment or strained relationships are immediate and visible. Personal agreements, often have delayed or intangible consequences such like losing progress or confidence, making it harder to feel the impact right away.

The Impact of Not Honoring Agreements with Yourself

The most important agreements are the ones you made with yourself — where you tell yourself who you are, what you feel, what you believe and how to behave. Yet these are also the agreements you tend to break, impacting how you see yourself, and draining your energy in the process.

Example: You decide to say no to last minute work activities because they do not add value to your life and you wanted more work-life balance, but you struggle to follow through due to guilt. By saying yes when you intended to say no, you betray your own boundaries and values.

What are the Repercussions?

1. Energy Drain: Every agreement you make creates an energetic connection. Keeping your word reinforces clarity, alignment, and focus, while breaking it creates guilt and stress as unfulfilled promises weigh on you mentally.
2. Boundaries Violation: Agreements create healthy boundaries that respect your time and energy. When boundaries are violated, you may end up overextending yourself, leading to emotional and physical burnout over time.
3. Resentment Towards Others: Resentment builds when you consistently violate your boundaries to accommodate others. It may strain relationships as you feel used or underappreciated, even if the other person is unaware of your inner struggle. This also perpetuates unhealthy dynamics.
4. Weak Sense of Self: The agreements you honor — or fail to honor — shape how others perceive you and how you perceive yourself. When you do not keep promises to yourself, it erodes your self-worth and self-trust. You may feel inauthentic because your actions do not align with who you are.

How to Honor Yourself and Your Agreements

1. Awareness Building: Awareness is the first step to change. Reflect on areas in your life where you have broken agreements with yourself and the consequences it has caused.
2. Reaffirm Your Needs: Remind yourself that your needs and feelings are valid. Reassess the agreements you have and determine which ones you need to discard, renew, or reset.
3. Create Support Systems: Share relevant agreements with trusted friends or mentors who can help support you in your intentions and hold you accountable.
4. Seek Professional Support: If you find yourself repeatedly breaking personal agreements despite taking steps to change, consider engaging professional help to uncover and resolve deeper issues standing in your way.

Quote from The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz

Final Thoughts

Honoring your agreements is about more than keeping your word — it’s about maintaining alignment with your energy, protecting your boundaries, and defining who you are. While it’s often easier to keep promises to others than yourself, treating your commitments with equal importance builds trust, self-worth, and authenticity. By taking intentional steps to honor both external and personal agreements, you create a life rooted in balance, respect, and integrity.

What agreements do you need to reaffirm with yourself today? Let’s start a conversation! Connect with me on LinkedIn and share your thoughts.